Non Ci Credo (Disbelief)


When I woke up the next morning, all I could do was stare at my left hand.  Even with the ring on my finger, I still couldn’t believe it.


I was getting married.

I was still lying there when I heard a soft knock on my door.  Mario poked his head in and grinned.

“Buon giorno amore mio.”

(Good morning my love.)

I blushed as a huge smile spread across my face.  This was something that I could get used too.

Mario came over and grabbed my hand, giddy as he gazed at the ring that he had put there the day before.  Love and pride beamed from his face as he gave me a morning kiss.  Both of us were caught in the surrealism of the moment.

This was going to be my husband.

Obviously, it was going to take a little while for it to all sink in.

As it was our last full day together, we wanted to make sure that we savored every moment.  We spent the day wandering through the city, revisiting our favorite spots, taking lots of pictures to document the final hours of his trip.  The hours flew by too quickly and suddenly the dreaded day arrived.


The final day.

As I was still caught in the strange, dreamlike haze that had descended after Mario had proposed, it was easy to slip into complete denial about his imminent departure.  If I just didn’t think about it, then it just wasn’t true.

Until my dad called.

Wanting to check in about how things were going, we chatted for a few moments about the craziness of the last few days.  Then, innocently, he asked about Mario’s travel plans.

“He’s leaving tonight.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, my face crumpled.  And reality hit. Struggling to keep my emotions in check, I quickly told my dad that I had to go and hung up the phone.

And promptly started to bawl.

Mario stared at me in shock and then swiftly pulled me into his arms.

“Cos’e successo?”

(“What happened?”)

“You’re leaving!”

It came out as a pitiful wail.

Mario softly stroked my back until my sobs eventually subsided to the occasional whimper.  And then I heard it.  His quiet chuckle.

As I pulled back, red-eyed and tear drenched, he lovingly smoothed my hair away from my face and softly kissed my brow.

“Amore mio.”

(My love.)

Once again, the tears started streaming down my face.  And then, as the absurdity of the entire situation hit me, laughter bubbled up.  It was just all too ridiculous.  Letting out a long sigh, I closed my eyes and relaxed back into Mario’s embrace.  As much as I wanted to freeze that moment, keeping Mario by my side, I knew that it was impossible.  All too quickly, the clock continued to tick off our final minutes until ultimately, it the fateful hour arrived.

It was time to leave.


About ciaobellamiastory

What do you do with that magical moment when everything makes sense - when all the random choices, experiences and encounters come together, and you find that rare instant of clairty? Then what do you do when it all falls apart? About 12 years ago I decided to take an Italian 101 course. That seemingly random choice has forever altered the path of my life. My strange connection with the language, culture and people of Italy started with love and joy and culminated with unexpected loss, grief and despair. While previously I was content to follow this unpredictable path, today I seek to understand the reasons and lessons behind my journey. My journey towards understanding begins here.
This entry was posted in 2010, Choices, DC, Italy, Mario and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s