Le Lacrime (Tears)

(2010)

I soaked my pillow with my tears that night.  Though worried that I would tip off the Fiori’s to what was happening, I could not contain the fountain of emotions that were streaming from my eyes.  Anger, frustration, hurt, betrayal.  I had never felt this heartsick.  I pushed my face into my pillow, trying to muffle the wails that were emanating from somewhere deep in my gut.  I wasn’t sure I would ever stop.

After what seemed like an eternity, my tears finally ran dry.  As I lay there, staring at the ceiling, emotionally spent, my eyes feeling like sandpaper, my mind started whirling with questions.  What had happened?  What had I done?  Why was Mario acting this way?  Had I missed something?  Had there been some red flags?  Was Mario going to pull out of it?  Were we still going to get married?  Could I marry someone who acted this way? How could I make him snap out of it?  Had this all been a mistake?

And on.  And on.

The night hours were long as I wrestled with everything that had happened over the past week.  I prayed.  I cried.  I wailed.  I stared.  And then I did it all over again.

Finally I fell into a fitful sleep.  When I opened my eyes the next morning, I felt like I had been run over by a truck.  And I still had no idea what to do.

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About ciaobellamiastory

What do you do with that magical moment when everything makes sense - when all the random choices, experiences and encounters come together, and you find that rare instant of clairty? Then what do you do when it all falls apart? About 12 years ago I decided to take an Italian 101 course. That seemingly random choice has forever altered the path of my life. My strange connection with the language, culture and people of Italy started with love and joy and culminated with unexpected loss, grief and despair. While previously I was content to follow this unpredictable path, today I seek to understand the reasons and lessons behind my journey. My journey towards understanding begins here.
This entry was posted in 2010, DC, Italy, Mario, Pisa and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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